the_outer.net’s blog

Poemetric

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 01:20:21 -0500

We twist in a torrent of unrequented what ifs
A maze of scattered straight lines
among crooked paths
Bound in our boundlessness,
Hopeful amidst hopelessness.
Feverish in our past impoverishment
Hungry for a banquet of scraps previously discarded.

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I Heart Dr. Cox

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 22:34:40 -0500

I can't help it. He's awesome. And I feel a lot like him. Sometimes opinionated, sometimes egotistical, sometimes a real douchebag... but at the heart a really solid and genuinely nice guy.

No, I'm mostly not gay.

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Party Over Here

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 21:34:36 -0500

Had a really nice day today. Today was my nephew's birthday party and we had cake and ice cream and chips and dip. Then, after the party was over, we went to the church community carnival with water slides, a slip-n-slide and all kinds of free snacks - hotdogs, popcorn, snowcones and cotton candy. It was a LOT of fun and I'm absolutely worn out. The amount of kids running around all cracked-out on sugar was unbelievable. I didn't plan on getting wet, but left the place absolutely soaked. There were kids with waterguns, waterbombs, and a million splashing pools and stuff... I was SOAKED before I left the place. And stuffed with junk food of all kinds. =P Good times, good times.

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Who Let HIM In??

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:50:32 -0500

The new catchphrase now when someone dies is "They opened the door for people like Obama". That seems to be some type of backhanded compliment. First it was Michael Jackson. Reverend Al "Sir Rhymes-a-lot" Sharpton said that he paved the way for people like Oprah and Obama, and performed more miracles in his lifetime than Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Okay, he didn't say that last part, but he might as well have said it.

Now that Senator Ted Kennedy had shuffled off this mortal coil, this d-bag is saying that his immigrant heritage led to a diversity that made possible the election of Obama. Oh, right. Sure. I bet that's what did it. It was a complex puzzle of dominos like Michael Jackson and Ted Kennedy that got Obama into office and had absolutely nothing to do with just throwing out some smiling jackass to make Socialism look cool and hip. Whatever.

Man I really would like to meet the person who left the door open for Obama so I could punch them in the teeth. Proof positive that if you leave your doors open, just any old riff-raff will stumble in.

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Back On Top

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:11:36 -0500

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm moving back on top again. I let a lot of things in my life mess me up to the point where I really wasn't even the same person anymore, but that's not anything I want to be. It's time to have real and meaningful things in my life. Time to move in new directions, expand my horizons, enhance my goals, strengthen my weaknesses and increase my skills. A new day is dawning and I can feel the winds of chance rustling beneath me. Like a phoenix I will rise from the ashes and put right what once went wrong.

I put so much time and effort into careless things that weren't real and weren't positive things for my life and because of it I've slipped into a deep hole of debt, depression and confusion, but the veil is lifted. God has shown me a new pathway and illuminated all the darkness that was left in my life. I see the past as what it was, I see the truth for what it was, I know now the way things really were and I see clearly the way they're going to be. This truly is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I am a good person in my heart and soul and it's been so long since I felt my own worth that it's a wonderful thing to start to feel worth something again. God be praised.

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Cool Site From Rainn Wilson

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 20:12:54 -0500

http://www.soulpancake.com/

Good stuff there. Lots of good questions and answers.

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I Need Big Sunglasses

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:58:15 -0500

I'm not even kidding. I've got some, but damn they're not nearly fucking big enough. Next paycheck I'm totally going to Party City for some really huge, bad ass sunglasses.

Razor Sunglasses

There we go. That's the ticket riiiiight there.

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The Many Lives Of Rush Montgomery

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 20:06:25 -0500

More than once I've been in a situation where I could have died. I've narrowly escaped death against amazing odds enough times to make me wonder how it all happened and why. It really is kind of uncanny, so I will chronicle the biggest near misses in chronological order.

1. When I was 3 I was hospitalized with pneumonia so bad they didn't think I would make it. I was hooked to an IV and I was in the hospital for weeks.

2. When I was around 6, I was with my family on our boat watching fireworks. I was standing near the edge of the boat and some speed boats went past us and I fell overboard. I had a life jacket on but I remember being under the boat touching the bottom of the boat with my hand and then nothing. The next thing I remember was laying on the boat coughing up water and crying.

3. When I was around 15, I was walking across a train bridge with some friends. It was a giant steel bridge and it was - I guess - several feet over a dry lake bed. It had rained at some point before this and I slipped on the steel and fell over the edge. At the bottom I fell into a water-filled hole that was just wide and deep enough to catch me. It was the only such hole in the nearby area.

4. When I was around 18, a friend and I "borrowed" a hang gun and snuck out in the woods with it. We'd never really shot a handgun before so we thought it'd be cool to take it out and shoot at trees or whatever we could find. We found a moss-covered log laying across the ground, stood back and fired. With a loud DING and an explosion next to us, we investigated and soon discovered the sound was a ricochet and this "log" had actually been a metal pipe. The explosion was a tree next to us that had caught the ricochet, mere feet from where I was standing.

5. When I was around 20, I dropped one of my friends and his girlfriend off at church. As I went to leave I drove through a stop sign without noticing it and right out into a highway crossing. I remember the screech of tires and looking up to see the front of a car sliding towards me. In shock my foot pounded down on the gas, I shot forward and the car narrowly missed the rear of my car.

6. In my early 20s I was robbed twice which working at a Subway sandwich store. Both times by the same guy and both times at gunpoint. I count this because I could have died.

I mention all this because lately it seems that - through a series of bad choices - my life has turned out really bad. Perhaps these weren't near misses. Maybe I died any one of these times and I just don't realize it yet. I wouldn't say I've lived the best life, and maybe this is hell. Maybe my loss of those I loved the most - my grandmother, interaction with my kids, my ex-girlfriend... maybe that's what hell is. It's a physical life of misery.

I'd like to believe this, because I at least have some feeling that this physical life can be turned around - somehow redeemed - so maybe hell isn't permanent. Maybe there's hope after all

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Life In A Nutshell

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 17:21:12 -0500

"Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel." - Horace Walpole

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Superman 4 Redux

nobody@vox.com(Cottleston Pie) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 01:08:31 -0500

So did I mention that Superman 4 is retarded? I mean honestly, what in the world? It's like they hired a couple of idiot teenagers to write the script. At one point the evil nuclear Superman clone (yes, I really said that) smashes holes in the Great Wall of China (I kid you not) and Superman flies in and uses some kind of new brick and mortar eye beam to reassemble the fucking wall. Then he slices off the top of a mountain with his laser eye beams and uses it to plug up an active volcano that is pouring lava into an Italian village.

Okay, without even thinking about it I'm going to make a list of some of the retarded things that are in Superman 4...

Greenscreen and flying effects look shoddy
Nuclear Superman flies away with the Statue of Liberty trying to drop it on New Yorkers (isn't it ironic -- doncha think?)
Nuclear Superman has long, silver Lee's Press-on Nails
Superman collects all the world's nuclear weapons in a giant net and slings them into the sun
Lex Luthor creates Nuclear Superman by launching a piece of Superman's hair into the sun in a capsule, and when he emerges he has a sparkly superhero uniform and everything
Superman takes Nuclear Superman to the moon and they fight on the surface with the gayest slowmo battle of all time, ending with Nuclear Superman pounding Superman into the moon like a railroad spike.
Nuclear Superman flies a girl into space, where she can breathe and seems completely unaffected. Um, hello? Space is a vacuum, right?

Don't look at me like that. I'm not making this shit up.

Yeah, it sucks. I could go on by I'd pretty much be typing out the entire script. I mean go look it up for yourself. Geez...

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