10 posts tagged “love”

The Many Lives Of Rush Montgomery

Aug 16, 2009

More than once I've been in a situation where I could have died. I've narrowly escaped death against amazing odds enough times to make me wonder how it all happened and why. It really is kind of uncanny, so I will chronicle the biggest near misses in chronological order.

1. When I was 3 I was hospitalized with pneumonia so bad they didn't think I would make it. I was hooked to an IV and I was in the hospital for weeks.

2. When I was around 6, I was with my family on our boat watching fireworks. I was standing near the edge of the boat and some speed boats went past us and I fell overboard. I had a life jacket on but I remember being under the boat touching the bottom of the boat with my hand and then nothing. The next thing I remember was laying on the boat coughing up water and crying.

3. When I was around 15, I was walking across a train bridge with some friends. It was a giant steel bridge and it was - I guess - several feet over a dry lake bed. It had rained at some point before this and I slipped on the steel and fell over the edge. At the bottom I fell into a water-filled hole that was just wide and deep enough to catch me. It was the only such hole in the nearby area.

4. When I was around 18, a friend and I "borrowed" a hang gun and snuck out in the woods with it. We'd never really shot a handgun before so we thought it'd be cool to take it out and shoot at trees or whatever we could find. We found a moss-covered log laying across the ground, stood back and fired. With a loud DING and an explosion next to us, we investigated and soon discovered the sound was a ricochet and this "log" had actually been a metal pipe. The explosion was a tree next to us that had caught the ricochet, mere feet from where I was standing.

5. When I was around 20, I dropped one of my friends and his girlfriend off at church. As I went to leave I drove through a stop sign without noticing it and right out into a highway crossing. I remember the screech of tires and looking up to see the front of a car sliding towards me. In shock my foot pounded down on the gas, I shot forward and the car narrowly missed the rear of my car.

6. In my early 20s I was robbed twice which working at a Subway sandwich store. Both times by the same guy and both times at gunpoint. I count this because I could have died.

I mention all this because lately it seems that - through a series of bad choices - my life has turned out really bad. Perhaps these weren't near misses. Maybe I died any one of these times and I just don't realize it yet. I wouldn't say I've lived the best life, and maybe this is hell. Maybe my loss of those I loved the most - my grandmother, interaction with my kids, my ex-girlfriend... maybe that's what hell is. It's a physical life of misery.

I'd like to believe this, because I at least have some feeling that this physical life can be turned around - somehow redeemed - so maybe hell isn't permanent. Maybe there's hope after all

Tag, You're It

Jun 23, 2009
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I am happy to see that the two biggest tags on my page (as seen in the left column) are "God" and "love". Then of course they would be, because those are the two biggest topics on my mind at the moment.

The Long Road Ahead

Nov 1, 2008
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My life is changing. It has changed. Against my will I've been drug kicking and screaming in new directions and I just can't fight against it anymore. I'd like to say I'm alone in this struggle now but I don't think I am. I have found that I have friends on my side who are rooting for me in this new journey and for that I am grateful. I've lost people from my life that I never dreamed I would, but you have to take what life gives you and march ahead any way you can. I wish that I didn't have such a heavy burden on my heart, but it happens and sometimes you have to take it as it comes.

I'm starting a new church tomorrow with the kids and I pray that it's a good solid step in the right direction. I want so bad to feel God on my side for a change, and I pray that I'll find new friends and a new hope.

Mere Christianity

Oct 29, 2008
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I went today at lunch in the search for a book called Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I've been going through a particularly pressing situation in my life and a friend of mine could tell that I was really struggling and repeatedly raking myself over the coals. I had expressed to him my desire - no, my very need - to return to God and Christianity, and he suggested this book as a way to reignite my faith by giving me an intellectual person's guide to what it means to be a Christian. I've always been a fan of C.S. Lewis and I knew that he was himself a man of great love for Christianity, which he expressed in his writings. (It's a little debated fact that the Narnia books were a thinly veiled retelling of the story of Christ as a way to express it as a long form parable to make the underlying morals of Christianity more accessable to the common reader.)

When I went to the book store I looked all over for the book and when I finally found it, it appeared to be a massive tome of nearly 600 pages, which was a bit frightening until I opened the book and realized that it was the large print version that has like 10 MASSIVE words per page. I'm advancing in years, but I'm not quite to that point yet, so I put it back on the shelf. As I glanced over the Inspirational shelf, my eye caught another C.S. Lewis book called The Complete C.S. Lewis. I was overjoyed to see that it not only included Mere Christianity, but also six other books : The Screwtape Letters, The Great Divorce, The Problem of Pain, Miracles, A Grief Observed and The Abolition of Man. In my hand I held a complete handbook that covered not only what it meant to be a Christian, but also how to deal with the nature of man, his separation from God, dealing with pain and guilt and grief, and the miracles God performs for us and through us to solidify our bond with Him. I dashed to the checkout and raced to my car where I cracked it open and immediately read to Part 3 of the first "Book" of Mere Christianity.

As expected the book is phenomenal. C.S. Lewis has an awesome way of breaking things down to their base levels and then building them up at a slow and digestible pace to reach the ultimate point of each section. For those of you unfamiliar with this book, Lewis wrote each section as a radio message to the poor, frightened young soldier who huddled around their radios in bunkers and trenches during World War II. As these brave soldiers sat in the days and hours before what could possibly be their last moments on the Earth, Lewis wished to express Christianity in it's most base formula to help ease their worry and let each man ensure that he was on the right path to God before that moment when they were to ultimately meet Him. If his words weren't humbling enough on their own, they were doubly so in the realization that at the time they were written, they were a gift to those unfortunate soldiers who were possibly on the brink of their own death. Later tonite as I read further through the book lying in the comfort of my own bed, I couldn't help but imagine a shivering grunt lying up against a dirt-faced bunker with a tiny transistor radio pressed to his head, hoping to catch every word between the sound of gunshots and explosions that peppered the field dangerously close to his hiding place - his death not assumed but ever-approaching. I also pictured the hardened and seasoned soldiers looking on and laughing - a biting case of irony, as the ones who needed the message the most were the most apt to be in opposition of it.

I have yet to complete the book, but I will say that it has really ignited a fire in my soul to grow ever-closer to God and His will. It lays out quite simply why God is real and why we can believe that our Universe - our entire reality - was fashioned by the hand of an artist, a Divine Creator, an immeasurable intelligence and a loving Father. Lewis speaks to his readers, not in riddle or complex metaphor, but in cold, hard intellectual reasoning. His methods are effective in this way and hard to debate. He never dares to seem like the all-knowing expert and his words are fashioned so that they never appear to be condescending. The book has less to do with Lewis's personal belief in something that he's trying to persuade you of, and acts more as a list of the bare facts as they exist, and you can take them for what they are or leave them as you choose. I highly recommend the book to anyone who has any desire whatsoever to learn more about the methods and practices of Christianity, and especially to the intellects of the world who desire their education to be portioned into bite sized morsels and expressed to them, well, intellectually.

So what have I gotten from the book so far? It becomes clear that in order to be a good Christian you have to worry about three main things : How do my actions affect myself? How do my actions affect those around me? How do my actions affect my Creator? It becomes clear that sin itself is not the problem, it is our acceptance and proliferation of sin that causes the turmoil. If I love to drink, the act of getting drunk is not the problem in and of itself. The continuous act of getting drunk affects me. My drunkenness leads me to be abusive which affects those around me. My habitual drinking damages the "temple" that God has given me, which in turn affects my Creator. The act of getting drunk is not the issue, and if I stumble and get drunk I am not in immediate danger of going to Hell. However if I drink in abundance, the act of drinking and its effects on me and the people around me is the problem, because then I am a purveyor of sin, causing those around me to sin in their own way (by gossiping about me, mocking my actions, taking advantage of my drunkenness, falling out of love with me and being unfaithful, etc.). So rather than spreading the joy and love of Christ and His teachings, I am spreading sin in one form or another. Also, it's hard to act effectively as a Christian if you yourself are not living as Christ did. Not to be perfect, but to strive to not promote Christianity in an unfavorable light. To never have someone looks at you and say "If that is a Christian, what's so great about that??"

The bottom line is that - within reason - we can have the things our hearts desire, so long as they are given to us by God. If we want lots of money to help us get through life, that's fine so long as we petition God and ask Him to lead us and guide us and put all the dominoes in place to make that happen for us. If we take control of the ship and fire up the engines and blow full steam ahead towards our goal in an effort to claim this prize for ourself, we are in extreme danger of running that ship up on the shore. If we focus too much on the prize itself, we run the risk of idolizing that thing (money, fame, sex, power) and making the object our focus of worship, rather than God Himself. The old saying goes "God helps those who help themselves" but we should also take into account that "God helps those who ask Him to help them". It's as simple as that.

That has really opened my heart and mind. I spent so long with distrust, fear, regret, anger and so many other terrible things and it all hinged on the fact that I wanted what *I* wanted and I was going to hang on to it and make it happen and all of Creation be damned so long as I got my way. The humbling truth is you have to just let go. You have to release control to God, ask Him for the things you need and listen intently for his operating instructions. You can't just sit idly by, but you also should not waste a single second worrying about having to hold on to the things you want. If these things are what you need God will deliver them to you and in abundance. If you want the money and require it to better your life and those around you, ask God for His guidance. If you want the job, pray for His direction and ready yourself to make your move. If you want the girl, petition the Lord and if she is in His plans for your future, He will petition her heart on your behalf.

I know this has been a long-winded post, but I'd like to close with something that I've always kind of held on to as a bottom line answer to the action of trying to micro-manage every fine detail of my own life. It's a song my grandmother used to sing to me when I was a child, and even though the song is literally about not worrying about what the future brings, to me it's always meant much more...

"Que Sera Sera" [ LISTEN TO SONG ]

by

Doris Day

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Que Sera, Sera

=========

And just to come down off the soapbox for a minute and relate my love for popular culture, I'd like to quote a passage from Star Wars that says "Be mindful of the future". The future will bring what it will, but don't just sit there waiting for it. It's the butterfly effect - the things you do right now touch the future. One things leads to another and it snowballs into infinity. Do right today to have what's right tomorrow.

May God bless you and keep you all.

In His name,

Rush

A New Day

Oct 27, 2008
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I feel pretty good about life for a change. I spent a lot of the last few months in a funk from a million different things. Chief among those was the ever-approaching death of my grandmother. I knew it was coming. I knew it was time, and the whole time leading up to it, I was at a really low place in my life. There were SO many great things in my life that I just kind of stumbled around, not really focusing on. I've had a pattern of taking things in life for granted, and the main reason behind all of it was my own selfishness. I wanted to control my own life. I believed in God, but I never wanted to release control, because I had all these bold ideas of where I wanted my life to go, and I never took serious stock in just letting go of the wheel and letting God take me there if that's what he wanted for me.

Just recently I lost contact with one of my best friends and it really shook me to my foundation. My own carelessness and self-centered nature created an ever-expanding rift in our relationship that slowly eroded the fabric of our connection and ultimately destroyed something that was fundamentally good. It was a clear sign that if I wanted to have good people like that in my life, I needed to stop being a self-serving person and learn to reach out and comfort people in need, shut up and listen and truly understand what I'm hearing, and be the kind of person that you can be proud to associate with, and I really haven't been.

I feel kind of preachy now. My blog is going to turn into a huge praise and worship site, but you know, for once in my life I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. Sure I'll turn some people off and I'm sure I'll catch flack from here or there, but I just don't care about any of that anymore. I want to make God proud of my life, and if I turn off 100 people who don't get it, then so be it. My wish is that it will ignite some kind of internal quest for the same epiphany that I had and I will always be here if any of you want to talk about anything.

I spoke with one of my oldest remaining friends about this, and he suggested I read a book called "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. I've always been a fan of C.S. Lewis, and I'm sure this book will be not only informational, but also entertaining, as Lewis is an excellent writer. I'll give it a go and give my thoughts and review of the book as I read it, so if any of that sounds interesting, keep an eye peeled for my post on the topic. Here is a quote from the book :

"Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The worse you are the more you need it and the less you can do it. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person – and he would not need it . . . the same badness which makes us need it, makes us unable to do it."

I wish you all the best in life and may you each take a moment to silently examine your own life. Religion is a very personal thing and it's something that we each must do on our own. Take a moment and ask yourself if that moment is now.

More Of The Flood

Oct 27, 2008
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My mind is going a million miles an hour. I toyed with the idea of going to bed, but I've got so much going on in my head right now that I don't think I would be able to sleep.

I've spent so long in a dark funk, thinking all the while that I was happy with life and myself and the way things were going, but there was always a torrential unrest that kept me from truly enjoying life. I have so many gifts that God has given me, and I've pretty much just squandered them away. The good things in life that I've been given have been systematically wrestled from my grasp by my own foolishness and overblown sense of self-worth, when the thing that has been missing is the very ingredient of a happy and peaceful life - God.

I don't know why the answer has eluded me. I'm not going to go so far as to say I was against God or didn't want to follow His word, but I definitely did not live life like a good Christian should. It took a lot of personal loss and trauma in my life to show me the err of my ways, and now I'm so eat up with the fever to make myself into a good and decent person. I was afraid that people I associated with would disown me and be freaked out that I wanted to make such a huge change in my life, but that's no excuse for not acting on it. I've lost just as much by not following God's word, that following Him can do no worse. In fact, by His word, it should only improve and expand the horizons laid out before me. I'm going to do right by Him for a change, HIS will be done. And rather than be an object of ridicule, I know that He will guide me in directions that will improve my life a hundred fold.

To all my friends and loved ones reading this, I implore you to make a move now to find that path. Put away the carelessness towards Him, remove the sin that is laid out at all sides of you and find strength in God to make you the person He intended you to be. Only then can the path to true enlightenment and happiness be seen.

God, I love you as I never have before, and it is my most sincere wish that your love will fill me to abundance.

In With The Good

Oct 27, 2008
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It's hard to attract good people when you yourself are not a good person. It's a hard lesson to learn and something I should have considered a long time ago, but I've been the architect of great and wonderful things which I built on a crummy foundation. I tried to reach for the heavens by climbing a rickety ladder that I built myself from careless things. I've tried to be in control of my life and struggled at the reins so hard only to wind up in the ditch over and over again. I wondered if the entire infernal machine was damaged in some way and then I realized that the only reason the vehicle was swerving all over the road was because I was trying to wrestle control from the One it belonged to.

I lost my grandmother at the end of September and she was really my model for God on earth. I'm not saying she was perfect or flawless, but she loved the Lord with all her heart and tried desperately to spread that love and grace to everyone in her immediate vicinity. A lot of people called her crazy or judgmental, but she was really only sharing the truth. The truth is a bitter pill and very hard to swallow. Beyond what the people of this world had to say about her, she received judgment from Someone who truly matters. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that she has received her reward in Heaven and is running all over the place shouting praises for the Lord. It is my goal in life to achieve the same purpose. I want to do better, be better. I want to be someone that people can look up to, not for anything that I personally have or can do, but for what God does with and through me.

If you want good things in life you have to spread good things. If you want good plants to grow, you have to plant good seeds. I've spent my whole life struggling to find the answers, and it's amazing that it takes utter tragedy in my life to make the path visible. I pray to God for strength and direction and it's my most sincere wish that He hears my plea and sets me on the right path to salvation and a happy life in His service.

Like A Phoenix From The Ashes

Oct 27, 2008
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I'm not sure what's happened to me. I used to be funny, entertaining, smart... I used to have a lot to say, made jokes all the time - I dare say I was even a little interesting at times. But over time I became kind of a sad parody of myself. I've set so much of me aside and let the daily routine of life wear away at my soul, but I'm coming back now in full effect. I want to be the person I used to be. I want to be someone who can be a real friend, someone interesting to talk to, someone you can tell your problems to and know that someone out there has got your back. I want to be a friend to my friends and show compassion to my enemies in the hopes of gaining new friends.

I want to laugh and have fun. I want to be light-hearted and free. I want to play through the summer and sit in quiet reflection in the winter, facing with a bold spirit anything that might come my way. I want you all to know that a mighty fog has been lifted from my spirit and I'm ready to begin anew, sharing and expanding the peace that lies in all our hearts. I've started to feel myself in the presence of God again, and it's certainly refreshing and awe-inspiring even at these early stages.

If you have anything on your mind... if you need a friend to talk to, or if you have beef to vent, please do so here. This will be a new day for us all, and I hope that you can share in my newfound peace. It takes the very bottom sometimes to realize that you finally have enough foothold to start climbing back to the top. Life should be fun and carefree and it's way too short to stress over every little thing.

Behold! A new Rush! Burning like a phoenix from the ashes! To God goes the glory.

I Love Sushi

Jul 25, 2008
2 comments

Sushi

I love it, you hear me?!? LOVE!!! There, I said it, and I'm not ashamed.

We're All Mad Here

Feb 5, 2007
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Love. To Love. In Love.

How do you love?

What is love?

Is there a method to the madness involved in successfully navigating life to the point where real love can occur?

"I love you"

It's so easy to say - so hard to define.

Let's say I tell you I love you.

Some of the things I do to quantify that love is that I make you cake.

I read to your dog.

I sit up long nights assuring you that Santa Claus is not out to get you.

But then.

Ah, but then I have several people I do that for.

Then what does that quantify?

How special is the cake I give you if I'm baking them by the dozen?

Sure there's nothing wrong with the friendly act of cake baking.

Sure everyone's dog deserves a good book.

But how special does that make our love?

A love defined solely by moments shared.

And when those "special" moments turn out to not be so uncommon, then what?

It's one of those days when you just feel like rubbing chicken poop on your lips.

The Many Lives Of Rush Montgomery

Tag, You're It

The Long Road Ahead

Mere Christianity

A New Day

More Of The Flood

In With The Good

Like A Phoenix From The Ashes

I Love Sushi

We're All Mad Here

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